almost.
Today it kind of almost felt like my sense of community was coming back.
There is a person I pass every day on the walk across campus. You know, you can do that for years without ever saying anything to each other. I’ve done that before. But three days ago I started nodding and saying good morning. And this person smiles and says good morning back. So what had been, for a couple of months, an internal observation—oh there’s that person again. is that person running late, or am I running early?—has become a small act of connection with more than just the trees. Sometimes it feels like no one wants to intrude on any one or risk someone being mean, so we all go around ignoring each other.
I’ve moved from work projects that required a lot solitary, abstract brain work to a number of faster moving projects that require more interaction with colleagues across campus.
I saw that someone’s car was in the market parking lot when I swung by on the way home from work. I went back and forth about whether to find them and say hello. I felt a bit anxious about how it might be awkward, given the way long-standing friendships and recently defunct romantic relationships had lined up. But I saw him sitting alone and the desire to say hi overrode anxiety.
I was just going to say hi, grab some groceries, and go home to check some things off of my list, but instead we ended up talking for quite a while. With my odd sense of time, I couldn’t tell you how long. But it was very good. And because I sat there talking for a while, I also ran into someone I hadn’t seen in quite a while, but had been thinking about recently. She will be on campus when school starts, so perhaps I will have the chance to see her more often.
Then a co-worker was in the produce section.
Then a large shiny black beetle was frantically on its back on the floor underneath the apricots. I turned him over, but it seemed like he was having trouble walking on the slick smooth floor. So I carried him out the in door (omg I broke a rule!) and deposited him outside.
One of the things I was going to (and eventually did) check off my list tonight was exercising. I run in place on an exercise trampoline. I haven’t done much exercise since starting work at the library in January, but I ran last night and tonight. Exercise is good for the brain and I need all the help I can get right now. One extra good thing about running is that it is captive time. I’m moving but stationary. I can stay still enough (while moving furiously) to watch things—films, talks, etc.
For the past two nights, I’ve been watching “Mindfulness and the Brain: A Professional Training in the Science and Practice of Meditative Awareness.” It’s at the intersection of Buddhist practice and interpersonal neurobiology, so it is a good reminder of the possibility of integration and connectedness.
It is good to re-hear The Good News About Neuroplasticity. Lately my faith had been wearing a bit thin.
