I had dinner with my friend TJ last night. We talked a lot about the body and being present in it. I just realized that something I said in our conversation has some pretty big implications for my relationship with food and eating.
Background info point 1: The association of feeling empty and/or hungry with feeling clean and good is a disturbing vestigial emotional/thought process that lingers long after the eating disorder diagnosis is lifted.
Background info point 2: Until fairly recently I had formidable anxiety about being mindful of and fully present in my body.
What I said last night: As I settle into my body more and more and pay attention to the subtle feelings within, I’m learning that some foods just feel clean and good inside, while others make me feel kind of gross and grimy.
What I just realized this means: Clean/good food-related sensations do not require emptiness and hunger. They just require paying attention. A door has appeared, allowing escape from a bad habit.
What we ate: Salad of field greens, red onion, red bell pepper, tons of avocado, Parmigiano-Reggiano, tomato so ripe it almost looked like a bruise, and toasted walnuts. I made a simple red wine vinaigrette. On the side we had some chips and tomatillo salsa, and a bit of my new creation: Fire Salad.
Fire Salad is so named because it includes only fire-colored ingredients. And because I think it is funny to put “fire” in the name of a raw dish.
Fire Salad
Put the following into a large bowl:
- 1 sweet potato, raw, unpeeled, well-scrubbed, grated
- 1 beet, raw, unpeeled, well-scrubbed, grated
- 3 carrots, raw, unpeeled, well-scrubbed, grated
- pint of grape tomatoes, halved
Add to taste:
- salt
- pepper
- lemon juice
- 1 clove garlic, peeled, minced
Mix well.
It is better after it sits in the fridge for a few hours at least. The salt extracts some of the vegetables’ water, which blends with the simple seasonings to create a light dressing. The acids in the lemon juice work gently on the structure of the vegetable flesh, slightly softening its texture and taste.
Until I ate Fire Salad, I did not know that something could taste like earth and water and light.